20 Hilarious School Exam Answers
The following questions were set in last year’s GCSE examination in England.
These are genuine answers from 16 year olds, not very bright, but entertaining, 16 year olds. 
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs
Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death
Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie
Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium
Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.
Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport.
Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head
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How can ANYONE be THAT STUPID?!?!?!
HOLY SHIT.
remembering these are 16 year old kids who will be graduating in 2 more years. Don’t know off hand the percentage which will go on to collage but, yes it is sad.
hahah superb!!!
These guys have already graduated! They leave school as soon as these exams finish (and even attending them isn’t compulsory)! Pity us…
OMG, are people in usa really THAT naive and stupid so as not to be ablt to appreciate a little humour, creativity and thoughts outside of the box?!
these are one of the most bold and original answers to questions given by people still in high school! you should be proud that there are still SOME poeple in the land of Ignorance who actually use their brains and are not afraid to stand out from the herd…
you think you’re so great and you have your heads shoved up so far up your asses that you miss the fact that your country is a dictatiorship and you as citizens have the least amount ot civil rights from ALL countries in the world. But you still think that before America (which exists only for about 300 years, for comparison there are countries with history of 1300 and not to mention China which had a centralized government 6 000 years BC). there was nothing and no one and you invented the wheel…Pathetic.
Oscar Wilde (an Irish poet who lived in the XIX century) said: “America is the only country which went straight from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between’.
you might want to ponder on that…
Hate to burst your bubbles, but these were made up for a British newspaper.
I be thirty-six with a nice election and that’s no fibula.
Sorry, I couldn’t resist. And xenomorph, you seem a little uptight, how ’bout a nice shot of kentucky bourbon ? It really takes the edge off of not being American…Hemmingway says Wilde was a piker.
FAKE. OLD. NOT FUNNY.
i had one too ..
whats a female monk ??
MONKEY
how can anyone be that stupid.
People. Listen closely, you scholar, you. p-e-o-p-l-e
I see many people commenting: Stupid Americans..
Well everyone who said that is.. Stupid.\
It says right on top: IN ENGLAND..
Freaking idiots.
wowowowwow… this is so funny. and and and xenomorph. take some damn xanax. If it had said American students on the AP exams or whatever, 50 bucks says you would be like “STUPID AMERICANS” why dont you shove it? cool? This is funny as hell and I like a good laugh, and I dont give a rats butt who they came from, I would slap my best friend upside the head if she wrote these answers AFTER laughing so hard. I think some of them are whitty, but the one about the Turbine and the election. THATS JUST STUPIDITY! Talk about us having our head up our ass? Now whose calling the kettle black??? (Pst, if you dont get it YOUR the pan in this situation… just FYI) but ANYWAYS ROFLMFAO!
so funny. some of those kids have no idea of answers and in the end, they made funny answers.
They are all just making a joke out of not actually knowing the answers, they’re not being serious…………………………..
Oh this is so funny! Some of the answers were perfect smart alec sayings and I was pretty fond of them.
Come on people, take a joke and relax. This is probably a joke anyway.
these kids are kidding you dumb assholes its funny. they are actually pretty smart for coming up with these clever answers…
stupid questions get stupid answers. are these seriously gcse level questions?
“what are the seasons?”
“how is dew formed?”
are you kidding me? if i were asked these i would take it as an insult to my intelligence.
Just putting this out there, but the comments to this post are actually funnier than the post itself.
WHO IS DOING AND WHAT IS BEING DONE WRONG/RIGHT?
SERIOUSLY IF THERE THAT F**KIEN STUPID THEN WHY THE F**K ARE THEY IN SCHOOL?! LIKE WTF THERE SOO STUPID AHAA.
Your english makes my eyes bleed, and I’m Norwegian…
It’s so hard to fathom how such a seemingly high percentage of people actually laughed at this made up garbage and took it as truth.
This is awesome.
I used to answer some obvious questions like that just to have some fun and make the teachers laugh…
You know, those courses you already passed before you even do the exam..
I saw these students on American TV – Jay Leno’s “J Walking” Just your average affirmative action person.
We’ll be seeing more and more of them in medical school now that Obamacare has passed and we’re short 150,000 doctors.
1st You got to ask youself why ask 16 year old this questions
2nd For those making fun of them… I see no answers to the questions
3rd This doesn’t insult your intelligence, this Insults your intelligence
Did you know a intelligent is the Subject you learn like Math, Science and English so that means be intelligent means your good at knowing your subjects which is also known as “Book Smart”
Here’s the blow “Book Smart” comes from “Street Smart” which is thinks that have been thought up so [this is going to hurt you more than me] “Book Smart” was developed by “Street Smart,” but because what ever knowledge was seen as acceptable was “coined” into “Book Smart.”
That’s like someone came up with a idea that the Earth rotation is causing the Ice Caps to melt[My Idea, email me if you want to know more] so know we learn about how the Earth is causing Ice caps to melt and that it isn’t Green House gases [Can warm air melt ice faster than hot rays].
So for all those who thing your “smarter” [Smart is thinking and intelligence is Knowing] because you got more “Book Smarts” well literally think again cause it matters how much intelligence you have and what if the intelligent your good at a limited theory your learning from
4th You go to school to get a type of education and that type allows you to paint your room without buying extra paint, when it will rain, snow or fog and to properly give instructions to someone who doesn’t know something
5th Go here to read a comment I posted somewhere else
*** removed by djmick – this ain’t a link party ***
Stupidity and Hunger are the only two things that cross all borders…
The funny part is, stuff like that made me drop off high school, f**king idiots.
@Bob. It’s college, not collage…
Ha..ha…ha..ha..ha……
Can’t say a word… I’m Indonesian and I thought this is impossible to exist in your country..
LOL
hahahahhahahaha , @ the “answers” and also hahahahahahahaha @ the people who think this is genuine and also whilst im at it hahahahahahahaha @ the people who think that kids r that stupid, theyre not these arent real exam answers, their made up. =D
I thought it was just really damn funny, that’s all. I gave some pretty stupid answers when I was in school. Lighten up everbody and have a good laugh.
stupid nation with stupid answers………….
REVELSTOKE – it’s pike or pikey, not piker. Despite what he said, pikey is about the most stereotypical comment that anyone could make about an irish man. Not hardly original from such a good writer… it sounds more like something you might have just made up.
and
LUKONG – you do know that green house gases are a contributor to global warming right? Yes glaciations and inter-glacial periods occur as a natural process, and yes Green house gases have always been around in different quantities, like around the cretaceous period CO2 was at immense levels. But humans are increasing green house gases, and the earth is warming more quickly than it should. Over the last 100 years there has been an increase in the earths surface temperature of just 0.6 degrees celcius. But in the next 20 years it has been predicted to rise by 6 degrees celcius. That’s too much to ignore. It would be in humans best interest to slow this global warming.. it’ll increase the spread of disease and the extinction of many animals, nevermind ridding us of those ecosystem services that are currently free and would cost us billions in pounds to replace. i think people need to seriously consider global warming as exacerbated by humans, just read some scientific papers by credited people and you’ll see for yourself rather than writing ‘facts’ on blogs which are merely uninformed opinions that people love to buy into because it takes away our responsibility.
Sorry to go on, that’s a subject that really breaks my balls
erm Bob, maybe you should join these people since it actually says at the top these are British students not American so no they won’t graduate at 18. We finish school at 16, college at 18 and university at 21, unless we take gap years. Also it’s pretty obvious these are students who don’t care about their exams and would rather write stupid answers. Believe me, I met plenty of those people when I was at school and no they weren’t really ‘that stupid’.
Ellie-Lou that info is totally inaccurate as students in the UK DO NOT all finish school at 16. They can by law if they choose to but many continue until 17 or even 18.
As for leaving college at 18, sure some can if they left school at 16 or 17 and done a simple 1 or 2 year course.
wow..its funny how some people at the top can’t read…or spell for the matter of fact.
but yeah, fake or no fake, it’s still funny..haha
i´m lovin’ it
Born stupid?
Try again!
©
U Guys……….u kill me, this is just a Joke…Pls, we need some humour in Life……….
lol,, it says at the top england..
are americans that self absorber that they beleive evrything to b about them?
those gags are renouned as gold in australia
if you think thats immature, a whole nation and maybe a couple more would die hangin around u for 5 mins
wow this guys know what he does only the smart gives the correct answer
hahahaha, this is ridiculous!
Actually, some of these are real. A lot of them are taken from a book, ” F In Exams: The Best Test Paper Blunders”, by Richard Benson. Also, to those who think that some of these questions are too easy for GCSE students. It depends on what tier you take. Higher or foundation. Higher tier students can achieve anything between an A*-U, and foundation tier students can achieve anything between a C-U. If you sit foundation tier papers, you can get some very easy questions at the beggining of the paper. Just so you know!
I’m almost 13 and I can answer more then half of those.